When the ship arrived in Gothenborg I had to rush to catch the noontime train going south. I was fortunate in that I did not have to have help moving my luggage. There were a couple of people with steamer trunks and they were the last to leave the ship, I imagine. I hope they contained the smell of mothballs.
I had a cousin of sorts who lived in Halmstad and I looked for her at the station. Thought maybe the news of my return might have brought her there. She was my most favorite relative. S and I would go there if he ever got leave. When the train finally reached Helsingborg, there was a tall man with a hooked nose smiling at me and for a second I wondered what he wanted. But then there was flash of something, and I knew he was my father's son, in other words, it was my brother. When I left home in 1938 he was sixteen years old, the cutest teenager you could ever meet. He was now a man of 23 and he had changed. He had a hat on so the fact that he was bald came as a surprise later. He had a wonderful sense of humor and I grew to love him again.
And then we had to go home to see our mother. One reason for this delay in writing my blog is the fact that I have to face this very difficult relationship. She had often talked about the perfect life she had before I was born. She had a perfect little daughter, four years old and a perfect baby boy who was two. And then life went to hell. I cried from the moment of birth and I continued to make life unbearable for her until I left home at 18. She had spoken freely about how she tried to have me lost before I was born. She rode her bicycle over the rockiest paths and even used some kind of mixture her mother-in-law gave her. This is not a sick sign of my imagination, she told me. And I was beaten regularly. I remember many summers when I could not go swimming, for the welts on my back and the back of my legs would be too embarrassing. When mother met S. her first words to him were: WHY ON EARTH DID YOU MARRY HER. I have struggled since Sunday how I would tell this. There is one happy note I can tell you, she liked me between 87 and 89. I am extremely grateful for that.