Saturday, August 30, 2008


Becky wrote 'you left NY for the South even though you knew he was married.... If you read back, it will tell you somewhere that we are at this time speaking of what happened in 1941. When I found out he was married was in 1998 when I read his memoir. In 1943 when I met the man who became my husband I was still saying, 'No, I cannot marry you because I am spoken for.' even though the correspondence was dwindling to almost nothing. But I thought IT IS THE WAR.

TMWBMH (The man who became my husband) said 'Give me his address and I will find out what his intentions are.' Luckily M's response came two months after we were married so there was no idea of marrying because of M's answer. Telling him that it would take a long time to set up private practice and be able to marry. He said Marry her. And by now I really knew what love was. Our marriage lasted 55 years.

This shows that it is better to stay on track and move forward in a linear fasion. Will try to be more linear in the future. I couldn't let anyone think that I chased this man even though I knew he was married.


scargosun said...

War. Love. Seperation.

Never thought anything less of you when I read it.

I am not a religious person but I do like the whole "those of you without sinn cast the first stone" passage. :)

Barbara said...

Ok, Here's what I now think I know about your story. Correct me if I'm wrong:

You met M during wartime (in 1941) and fell instantly in love. He was in the army, about to be shipped overseas, and before he left for the theatre of war, you spent the night with him. You were perfectly certain, even in those conservative days, that it was the only thing to do - after all, he was about to walk into the jaws of death and the two of you were committed to each other.

Though M was overseas, you felt that you were "spoken for" and waited for his return. The two of you DID correspond, (I assume, his replies to your early letters gave you no reason to believe that he would not be coming back to you) and, while he was away, you carried on with your life, which was rich and interesting, though I am sure that you were pining to see your sweetheart again.

Time went on and you weren't hearing from M much any more. You met your future husband (TMW), and, as with all the other men who had been attracted to you, you told him that you "were spoken for" and waiting for your soldier to return. However, TMW was smart, persistent and probably suspected that M was not being completely honest with you. He vowed to track M down and find out whether M still wanted you to wait for him.

By this time it was 1943 and TMW continued to court you, until you fell in love and married him. About two months after the wedding, TMW got a reply to the question he had sent out so many months before. M indicated that because his (M's) future was still so uncertain, it would be better for you to marry the one who was making you the offer. This was fine with you, since you had already made that decision on your own. Receiving M's "consent" was probably like finding a little spare icing that had been left alongside the wedding cake you had already eaten: an unexpectedly sweet treat for later.

So you were married, loved your husband, and had a very interesting life, about which you will be telling us much more in this blog.

Then, fifty years later, TMW died and, soon after that, fortune placed you in front of a phonebook for the city that had been M's home back in 1941. On a whim, you looked for his name and found it!

One phone call later, you had an entirely new slant on the story of your life. M had ben married on that day he met you, though he never told you about any of that, and he did return to his wife after the war! You must have had a bit of a shock, as you sat down and reconstructed your own story in your mind, but it must have given you scores of things to think about after that.

Forgive this so long-winded summary. Your story is fascinating, much more so because it is real.

I was born in the year of your marriage, so we are connected by 1943, a year of milestones for both of us

It's also easy to speculate about M's story, and think of him as someone who, at an uneasy and uncertain moment in his life, gave into a (probably very real and intense) attraction to someone and then, because of what he had omitted to tell, got caught in one of those webs of lies that he found hard to break. One could also think only terrible things, but it's probably not that simple.

Anyway, you fascinate us, and we love your stories.


Carolyn said...'s fine to jump around in time, it's your life! And it was clear, at least to me, that you didn't know M was married when you met :)

Unknown said...

It was clear to me. I love your blog!

Miss Steph said...

I am addicted to your story. Can't wait for more. And, I completely understood the about "M".

Anonymous said...

I have recommended you as a "BloggerTo Read" as a part of BlogDay 2008! Check out today's post for details!

Marlene said...

Svento, I understood the sequence of events..also..I look forward to hearing more! Marlene from Cambria

hello haha narf said...

i'm sorry, i thought my comment said something about "you left new york for the south knowing that he wasn't there" (meaning that he was in the war with a safe return uncertain). sorry if i mistyped or insinuated that you knew at that time that he was married. you have been quite clear as to the sequence of events and i had no misconception about them.

please feel free to write in any time line that suits your fancy!

i love how honorable your husband was, asking m what his intentions were. it is not often these days that someone makes such a wonderful and honorable stand. looking forward to hearing the stories behind your meeting your husband and your lasting love.


MJ's doghouse said...

you have a fascinating story to tell us...dont apologize just write....we are all enjoying it...

jessica said...

I just read all your posts today with great fascination. I am dying to know if the Home For Crippled Children you speak of was the Junior League Home in Nashville, TN? I work as a writer/editor for the Monroe Carell Jr. Children's Hospital at Vanderbilt formerly Vanderbilt Children's Hospital. The Junior League Home for Crippled Children eventually became Vanderbilt Children's Hospital...anyway it would be so neat if that indeed was where you worked...

Jen S. said...

But on August 25 you said, "No Barbara, he did not trick me....I was so in love I was probably momentarily insane." I took that to mean that he did tell you he was married, but you saw him anyway because you were momentarily insane. So ... he *did* trick you, right? I'm confused!

Barbara said...

Hi again,
I hope all our comments aren't inhibiting you from continuing your story on this blog. Everyone who reads this seems to think well of you and finding out new details that throw a new slant on the story just makes it more interesting! We don't all think the same way, so something that is clear to one person might be confusing to another.
As time goes on, we learn more & it gives us a clearer picture of the story, that's all.
Hope to hear more from you soon.
Your fan,